http://media.photobucket.com/image/super%20junior%20m%20kyuhyun/dementedinsanity13/Super%20Junior%20M/04-kyuhyun.jpg?o=3
I WANT SOME OF THAT.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
ROHLEN MAN
For speech. WOO. HOO.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&q=rohlen+japanese+american+class+lesson&aq=f&oq=&aqi=
http://books.google.com/books?id=Yrg6yO9R-MQC&dq=rohlen+education&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=GqB6qgVHO8&sig=GCVR0I7E8hARdL_9se9Vh-iqfrg&hl=en&ei=gN37SqHWCdT5nAeLi4SZBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CAgQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=&f=false
http://books.google.com/books?id=bcKMtgfrUEIC&pg=PA224&lpg=PA224&dq=rohlen+japanese+american+class+lesson&source=bl&ots=tCQnCZH2vM&sig=bsdCpY1CclCcKZLdCKyDPNb8pT4&hl=en&ei=fez7SrLRC8H9nAe216GeBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CAgQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=&f=false
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&q=rohlen+japanese+american+class+lesson&aq=f&oq=&aqi=
http://books.google.com/books?id=Yrg6yO9R-MQC&dq=rohlen+education&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=GqB6qgVHO8&sig=GCVR0I7E8hARdL_9se9Vh-iqfrg&hl=en&ei=gN37SqHWCdT5nAeLi4SZBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CAgQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=&f=false
http://books.google.com/books?id=bcKMtgfrUEIC&pg=PA224&lpg=PA224&dq=rohlen+japanese+american+class+lesson&source=bl&ots=tCQnCZH2vM&sig=bsdCpY1CclCcKZLdCKyDPNb8pT4&hl=en&ei=fez7SrLRC8H9nAe216GeBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CAgQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=&f=false
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Spanish work.
¡Hola! Bienvenidos a nuestro desfile de modas. Hay tres chicas aquí hoy.
Primero es Isabel. Su moda es para hacer ejercicio. Ella lleva las sudaderas grises y una camiseta gris. Las camiseta es el algodón y suelto. Ella tiene una bolsa con una botella de agua. También está escuchando música. Ella lleva su cabello en una cola de caballo. Esta moda es sencilla y cómoda.
Ella es Elena Iglesias. ¡Ah, ella se destaca! Mire su estilo de casual. La diseñadora es Anna Cacti para esta moda. Ella lleva un par de gafas de sol oscuras. Ella tiene una bolsa del cuero y el color es brillante. ¿Por qué ella está llevando un suéter de lana? Eso es temporada última. Ella hace juego bien con sus zapatos de fleco. El vestuario de ella casi aburrido en colores, pero es muy único y es cómodo. ¡Genial!
Finalmente, es mi amiga Luisa Gibson. Su moda es yendo al Grammys. Luisa lleva un vestido del color claro y el vestido tiene unas lentejuelas. Yo no pienso que su billetera hace juego con su vestido.
¿Quién es la diseñadora?
Vera Wang.
!Ella es genial!
El vestido es apretado pero cómodo.
Es el tiempo de terminar el Desfile de Modas. ¡Hasta luego!
Primero es Isabel. Su moda es para hacer ejercicio. Ella lleva las sudaderas grises y una camiseta gris. Las camiseta es el algodón y suelto. Ella tiene una bolsa con una botella de agua. También está escuchando música. Ella lleva su cabello en una cola de caballo. Esta moda es sencilla y cómoda.
Ella es Elena Iglesias. ¡Ah, ella se destaca! Mire su estilo de casual. La diseñadora es Anna Cacti para esta moda. Ella lleva un par de gafas de sol oscuras. Ella tiene una bolsa del cuero y el color es brillante. ¿Por qué ella está llevando un suéter de lana? Eso es temporada última. Ella hace juego bien con sus zapatos de fleco. El vestuario de ella casi aburrido en colores, pero es muy único y es cómodo. ¡Genial!
Finalmente, es mi amiga Luisa Gibson. Su moda es yendo al Grammys. Luisa lleva un vestido del color claro y el vestido tiene unas lentejuelas. Yo no pienso que su billetera hace juego con su vestido.
¿Quién es la diseñadora?
Vera Wang.
!Ella es genial!
El vestido es apretado pero cómodo.
Es el tiempo de terminar el Desfile de Modas. ¡Hasta luego!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Long-Term.
My papa told me that when he was a young man, he didn't want a material lifestyle. He told me that all he wanted was a decent-sized house with a bed. There was no need for extraordinarily delicious foods or delicacies. All he needed was enough to not be hungry and someone to love and be loved by. And he said to me that as he grew older, this turned out to be what it had always been: a silly dream. He told me that I would realize it sooner or later also, the fact that one should always try to provide for the best for their children. He then launched into the usual talk of why I need to work hard and get good grades and eventually get into a fantastic college and exit with a great job in hand.
I have a hard time seeing that chain of life sometimes when I don't have a tangible goal I'm aiming for. It's a little funny and tiring for me to think about it since I'm barely leaving my childhood and everything I'm doing right now is already for the kids I won't have for another fifteen years, which incidentally happens to be my age. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes this. Other times, I wonder what his fifteen-year-old self would say if he were with us.
I have a hard time seeing that chain of life sometimes when I don't have a tangible goal I'm aiming for. It's a little funny and tiring for me to think about it since I'm barely leaving my childhood and everything I'm doing right now is already for the kids I won't have for another fifteen years, which incidentally happens to be my age. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes this. Other times, I wonder what his fifteen-year-old self would say if he were with us.
[Finding]
They left me in their storm of angry silence. The last sentence was still hanging in the air, a searing "What do you want then?!" dripping frustration, fury, and desperation. Excellent question, really. They hit me right on the mark, straight to my heart with that question. Everything I had done recently, everything I had been doing always, left my wondering that precise question. As always, I didn't have an answer. And now, I didn't have them either.
I sat there, elbows propped on the island table in the kitchen, head bowed in my hands, eyes watching the hopeless tears piling up upon scoop upon scoop of ice cream. Nauseating. Combinations of churned cow lactations and human bodily fluids in a bowl never look very appetizing, but I kind of wanted to eat it anyway. I jabbed at the comfort food with my spoon repeatedly, never once actually bringing a spoonful to my mouth. The house resounded in quiet, which made me feel lonelier and slightly mystified with their disappearance. It was almost as though they vanished.
I picked up my bowl and sat criss-crossed on the wood floor. It put the granite table and very modern-looking couches straight in my field of view. There you have it, I thought, a decent summary of my life. Lots of pretty things and plenty of money with the constant feeling of a missing something. Emotional linkage, I supposed.
It's really cold, I realized. Chillier than I thought it was, and I probably didn't pick up on it sooner because I was caught up in shouting things I didn't mean and miscommunicating again. I looked out the window, wondering how much colder it'd be outside than indoors. I briefly felt lucky that I wasn't out there shivering in the wind, and that was immediately washed away with a flood of guilt when I saw the Mexican yard hands my parents had hired.
They were speed-walking around our property with tulip bulbs in hand. They were working hard and trying their very best to be efficient. One of the men's children ran up to him, grabbing the knee of his trousers. The kid's eyes looked brightly up at his father, and instead of pushing his son away, the man set aside his job for a few minutes. He picked up the little boy and spun around a few times and stopped only to set him down in the wheelbarrow, where there were more tulip bulbs waiting to be set in the ground.
I wondered if this is how prisonsers feel sometimes. They had everything provided for them, food, shelter, and clothes, but there were always people stuck with them on the inside, and they were not the best people to be around. However, in my situation, everything was upscaled forty times and much prettier. I could see why my sister Marissa ran off with that low-life artist, even though he seemed to be hooked on a new drug every week. Despite the drug-induced haze he was typically in, the look of pure love and caring never escaped his expression when he looked at her. And then I finally saw, from the inside looking out, what had always been missing. And, emptying the final tears from my drying well, I knew what I wanted.
I sat there, elbows propped on the island table in the kitchen, head bowed in my hands, eyes watching the hopeless tears piling up upon scoop upon scoop of ice cream. Nauseating. Combinations of churned cow lactations and human bodily fluids in a bowl never look very appetizing, but I kind of wanted to eat it anyway. I jabbed at the comfort food with my spoon repeatedly, never once actually bringing a spoonful to my mouth. The house resounded in quiet, which made me feel lonelier and slightly mystified with their disappearance. It was almost as though they vanished.
I picked up my bowl and sat criss-crossed on the wood floor. It put the granite table and very modern-looking couches straight in my field of view. There you have it, I thought, a decent summary of my life. Lots of pretty things and plenty of money with the constant feeling of a missing something. Emotional linkage, I supposed.
It's really cold, I realized. Chillier than I thought it was, and I probably didn't pick up on it sooner because I was caught up in shouting things I didn't mean and miscommunicating again. I looked out the window, wondering how much colder it'd be outside than indoors. I briefly felt lucky that I wasn't out there shivering in the wind, and that was immediately washed away with a flood of guilt when I saw the Mexican yard hands my parents had hired.
They were speed-walking around our property with tulip bulbs in hand. They were working hard and trying their very best to be efficient. One of the men's children ran up to him, grabbing the knee of his trousers. The kid's eyes looked brightly up at his father, and instead of pushing his son away, the man set aside his job for a few minutes. He picked up the little boy and spun around a few times and stopped only to set him down in the wheelbarrow, where there were more tulip bulbs waiting to be set in the ground.
I wondered if this is how prisonsers feel sometimes. They had everything provided for them, food, shelter, and clothes, but there were always people stuck with them on the inside, and they were not the best people to be around. However, in my situation, everything was upscaled forty times and much prettier. I could see why my sister Marissa ran off with that low-life artist, even though he seemed to be hooked on a new drug every week. Despite the drug-induced haze he was typically in, the look of pure love and caring never escaped his expression when he looked at her. And then I finally saw, from the inside looking out, what had always been missing. And, emptying the final tears from my drying well, I knew what I wanted.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
Sometimes, people puzzle me. For instance, the boy previously mentioned on my 9/9/09 post decided to add me on FB. Strange. And here I was thinking we finally deleted each other out of our respective lives and I finally got the closure and goodbye I wanted. I guess he didn't get the same feeling.
Sometimes, when I think about someone so often and not see them for a while, I wonder if my mind invented such a happy image of a person out of pure longing for a someone.
Sometimes, I feel like if I think enough positivity and hope towards something, it turns out well. Perhaps it's a mindset thing because by the time there is a specific end to that situation, it's either turned into the preferred outcome or I've willed myself into acceptance and it doesn't shatter me the way I thought it would've.
Sometimes, I don't know why I'm doing something as I do it, and I know I'm going to regret it, but it keeps on happening. I feel an almost spirit-related split at that point because what I feel like I'm watching me from a distance.
Sometimes, when I think about someone so often and not see them for a while, I wonder if my mind invented such a happy image of a person out of pure longing for a someone.
Sometimes, I feel like if I think enough positivity and hope towards something, it turns out well. Perhaps it's a mindset thing because by the time there is a specific end to that situation, it's either turned into the preferred outcome or I've willed myself into acceptance and it doesn't shatter me the way I thought it would've.
Sometimes, I don't know why I'm doing something as I do it, and I know I'm going to regret it, but it keeps on happening. I feel an almost spirit-related split at that point because what I feel like I'm watching me from a distance.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Fixed Amount
Today was one of my very best days I've had in a long while. Despite waking up late for school today, everything else seemed to go very well. I got an excellent grade in my English class, I finished my homeworks, my Drivers Ed presentation went well, and ohhh, school went well. Speech may not be going my way, but I hope to make the best of it and it should allll be fine.
Band went beyond wonderfully for me tonight for some reason. I was in time [or at least I felt like it] and I just seemed to do be doing everything right for a change. My friend drove me home and we sang along to the radio, danced, and lip-synched ridiculously the entire way back [which isn't very long anyway], and oh my goodness, I haven't felt that elated in a long time and everything for me has just fallen into the right slots, and ahhhh. I haven't been that delighted in a long time. I felt like laughing so hard that I might explode from feeling so fantastic.
However, I feel like I'll never get over the person I'm trying to get over though, simply because he just randomly affects me when I least expect it to, which is basically when I'm least prepared. I don't know, but he just amazes me and bluhhh. Oh well. WHO CARES.
On the other hand, my mom has been increasingly harsh on my little sister. The second I arrived home, she popped out from no where, crying. I don't know why my mom has been acting so irrational and all I can say is that I'm so glad I'm not there to suffer it anymore. I practically live at school, so I luckily evade such depressing situations the way my sister cannot. We sat outside the house for half an hour as she told everything and she cried and I felt like crying too. I really hate seeing her sad.
It kind of feels like I got all the happiness alotted to my family for the day and my mom and sister didn't get any of it. It makes me feel rather bad.
I wonder if there is a specified quantity of everything that is rationed out daily, like good/bad luck, happiness, appetite and such. It sometimes feels like that when my friends and I talk about our good/bad days and how we have polar opposites going on for us. Strange. I would ponder more on the topic, but I am thoroughly EXHAUSTED from band, in the best way possible. [continuationonanotherdaymaybe?]
Band went beyond wonderfully for me tonight for some reason. I was in time [or at least I felt like it] and I just seemed to do be doing everything right for a change. My friend drove me home and we sang along to the radio, danced, and lip-synched ridiculously the entire way back [which isn't very long anyway], and oh my goodness, I haven't felt that elated in a long time and everything for me has just fallen into the right slots, and ahhhh. I haven't been that delighted in a long time. I felt like laughing so hard that I might explode from feeling so fantastic.
However, I feel like I'll never get over the person I'm trying to get over though, simply because he just randomly affects me when I least expect it to, which is basically when I'm least prepared. I don't know, but he just amazes me and bluhhh. Oh well. WHO CARES.
On the other hand, my mom has been increasingly harsh on my little sister. The second I arrived home, she popped out from no where, crying. I don't know why my mom has been acting so irrational and all I can say is that I'm so glad I'm not there to suffer it anymore. I practically live at school, so I luckily evade such depressing situations the way my sister cannot. We sat outside the house for half an hour as she told everything and she cried and I felt like crying too. I really hate seeing her sad.
It kind of feels like I got all the happiness alotted to my family for the day and my mom and sister didn't get any of it. It makes me feel rather bad.
I wonder if there is a specified quantity of everything that is rationed out daily, like good/bad luck, happiness, appetite and such. It sometimes feels like that when my friends and I talk about our good/bad days and how we have polar opposites going on for us. Strange. I would ponder more on the topic, but I am thoroughly EXHAUSTED from band, in the best way possible. [continuationonanotherdaymaybe?]
Monday, September 14, 2009
NOTevenAblogPOST[driversedyes]
The new system allows audience members to park anywhere on campus, walk to any one of the depicted stops, and take one of the six trolleys. Two hours prior to the start of the sporting event, the trolleys will begin their circulation. Each stop will be visited by a trolley every fifteen minutes. The trolley will continue to run throughout the game and finish their course an hour after the game ends.
Licensed drivers should note this new update as they are responsible for their vehicle and parking. Students should receive some information of the change in their drivers’ education courses. In order to inform pedestrians, there will be signs and notices posted all over campus and on some of the streets on which parking may "overflow" onto. This change in our parking system will be broadcast on local radios and printed in the newspaper. Further reminder of the alteration will be printed on the back of tickets.
Our new system will be enforced with police control and ticketing. Fans' cars parked on residential streets or outside of campus will be ticketed. Attendees of the events will be presumed to know the new program. In order to evaluate our change, questions and comments will be taken and answered through the following communication methods:
Email: pjdeter@ilstu.edu
Phone: (309)-438-5111
Address:
Campus
College at Delaine
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Dressing
My favorite colors to wear are
neon oranges, goldenrods,
foresty greens, and dark blues.
Lighter colors with black and
darker ones with white for contrast.
neon oranges, goldenrods,
foresty greens, and dark blues.
Lighter colors with black and
darker ones with white for contrast.
Painpainpainouchouchhurtagh
I've always believed that if I say something enough times, it'll become true. I've been telling most all my friends that I in fact DO NOT LIKE ANYONE NOT AT ALL NO NOPE NEVER. It's not working. I feel like I'm falling to pieces because I've always liked him and I know/have known he'd never feel the same and it'd never work. I've never wanted something like that to work because all together, as my friend has told me, high school relationships are meaningless and I personally believe friendships will last longer. I like him, but I don't want to act on my feelings or anything like that, but with everything that's happening lately, I feel like I've been repeatedly stabbed in the heart.
I kind of want to go more into detail about this, but at the same time, I'm concerned that random stalkers will see this and go AOIHGSODIJ LET'S TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS.
On a side note, I have an A- in Drivers Ed again and I am now SAFE.
I kind of want to go more into detail about this, but at the same time, I'm concerned that random stalkers will see this and go AOIHGSODIJ LET'S TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS.
On a side note, I have an A- in Drivers Ed again and I am now SAFE.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Anniversary of an End
It's been one year. I can't even understand why this still means so much to me. He wasn't anyone that special and he definitely wasn't someone I liked so much I thought I was going to burst. I suppose it's just that we both had a little something for each other. It was just a one-month thing, a tiny blip in both of our lives, but it was the first time I heard a boy say I-love-you to me.
I texted him today. It wasn't anything creepy, it was just a hello. One word. For the first time in over half a year, he answered. My phone buzzed and I saw his name and my heart just started pounding the way it always used to whenever he texted me. It makes me feel oddly blank thinking about this, but for a moment, I just sat here and stared at the unopened message, hoping for some sort of friendly message and a sort of I-missed-you and keeping let's-still-be-friends promise he made.
"Who are you?"
I don't mean anything to him. I don't, I don't, I don't, and I don't know why I can't shake him out of my mind. It's ridiculous. Just STUPID. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I still care; I feel like a stalker. It's really rather degrading. I feel like some dirty thing that keeps following him and he just keeps trying to throw me away and get away, but ugghhhhh...
I just wish I could let go.
I texted him today. It wasn't anything creepy, it was just a hello. One word. For the first time in over half a year, he answered. My phone buzzed and I saw his name and my heart just started pounding the way it always used to whenever he texted me. It makes me feel oddly blank thinking about this, but for a moment, I just sat here and stared at the unopened message, hoping for some sort of friendly message and a sort of I-missed-you and keeping let's-still-be-friends promise he made.
"Who are you?"
I don't mean anything to him. I don't, I don't, I don't, and I don't know why I can't shake him out of my mind. It's ridiculous. Just STUPID. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I still care; I feel like a stalker. It's really rather degrading. I feel like some dirty thing that keeps following him and he just keeps trying to throw me away and get away, but ugghhhhh...
I just wish I could let go.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
People in People.
I'm deeply frustrated with one of my friends who tells just about everything to my sister and tells her not to tell me half of it. It kind of really hurts my feelings since a] I thought we were better friends than that and b] I told him how it bothers me that he isn't telling me stuff and he said it wasn't fair on and blahblahblah and carries on with it. He's also just being an idiot with a lot of things and making me worry. SUCH A GUY. What really irritates me the most is that I cannot stay mad at him because I'm worried about him and staying mad wouldn't help in the first place and seeing him be all happy makes me feel relieved. RIDICULOUS. RANDOM YELLING OVER THE INTERNET.
I don't know why I was and am so upset about what he did. A lot of people do that. I was thinking it over as I was talking to a friend this weekend about the issue I have about it, and I realized it's probably because I thought he was about that and I just thought to highly of him to start with. There are just too many sides to one person and seeing so much more of this is making me a bit dizzy. I don't know whether or not to like him less for this, but I still care about him either way.
In the simplest terms I can put it, before this week, I saw him in a 'third-level' aspect in my mind. It's how I specify how close I am to someone. First, to me, is skimming the surface of things, second is being acquaintances that make good small talk, and third is really know the person on the side they wish to show you. But it's not quite a side, it's more like a whole different person all in one person. So fourth-dimension of knowing someone is like trying to see everything physically in the fourth dimension: just mind-shatteringly confusing. It's seeing them from various angles and sides. Most of the time, when I see these other parts of the person, I really see why the person didn't want me to see that and I kind of begin distancing myself from him/her. I don't particularly want to in this situation, but the other sides of him still bother me a lot.
I SOUND STOOPUD.
But it makes sense to me.
This makes him sound awful I think, but he's really a good person. Really. I really hope.
And I made myself sound bad, but I don't care about that at all b/c I am a pretty awful person.
I don't know why I was and am so upset about what he did. A lot of people do that. I was thinking it over as I was talking to a friend this weekend about the issue I have about it, and I realized it's probably because I thought he was about that and I just thought to highly of him to start with. There are just too many sides to one person and seeing so much more of this is making me a bit dizzy. I don't know whether or not to like him less for this, but I still care about him either way.
In the simplest terms I can put it, before this week, I saw him in a 'third-level' aspect in my mind. It's how I specify how close I am to someone. First, to me, is skimming the surface of things, second is being acquaintances that make good small talk, and third is really know the person on the side they wish to show you. But it's not quite a side, it's more like a whole different person all in one person. So fourth-dimension of knowing someone is like trying to see everything physically in the fourth dimension: just mind-shatteringly confusing. It's seeing them from various angles and sides. Most of the time, when I see these other parts of the person, I really see why the person didn't want me to see that and I kind of begin distancing myself from him/her. I don't particularly want to in this situation, but the other sides of him still bother me a lot.
I SOUND STOOPUD.
But it makes sense to me.
This makes him sound awful I think, but he's really a good person. Really. I really hope.
And I made myself sound bad, but I don't care about that at all b/c I am a pretty awful person.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Celebrations and Sleep
Today was my friend Keana's birthday, and I must say, we had a very excellent time. It took place at a lovely park with a fountain [that Avery jumped into and ruined his phone in] by which Keana took a few pictures of a couple getting their wedding pictures taken. There were also three blonde girls dressed very similarly who were given ridiculous names by our group of people [or perhaps their parents really are that odd]. We also had a good time playing Mafia. Overall, it was very good fun and it was basically because we had a c'lection of wonderful people there. I would like to recount all of the details of the event, but my mind is very fuzzy from the multiple naps I've had all day.
I really need to develop a better sleeping schedule since I've been crashing horribly since Friday night after the argument episode at Walmart. During this last school week, I made the mistake of getting about four through six hours of sleep nightly, and it's affecting me even more than usual. I slept approximately fourteen hours last night, woke up with a massive headache this morning around 9:30, came home around four or five and went back to sleep for another four hours. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have marching competitions or speech competitions later on in the year. As much as I love being back in school and not schlumping around the house feeling highly unmotivated, I keep wishing we had at least four more hours in each day. Or that I had a Time Turner. That would also be lovely.
I really need to develop a better sleeping schedule since I've been crashing horribly since Friday night after the argument episode at Walmart. During this last school week, I made the mistake of getting about four through six hours of sleep nightly, and it's affecting me even more than usual. I slept approximately fourteen hours last night, woke up with a massive headache this morning around 9:30, came home around four or five and went back to sleep for another four hours. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have marching competitions or speech competitions later on in the year. As much as I love being back in school and not schlumping around the house feeling highly unmotivated, I keep wishing we had at least four more hours in each day. Or that I had a Time Turner. That would also be lovely.
Glasses and Similarities
I broke my glasses on Friday. I believe the phrase "I broke" is very incorrect actually. Truthfully, the lens for my right eye just POPPED out during Drivers Ed, and nobody believes me. The more I think about it, the more I don't believe it either. How ridiculous is this? I was unbelievably pissed.
It didn't really help that my dad thought I was completely lying and kept asking me how it happened and ugghh. We ended up having a big argument over NOTHING at a store. It ended with me walking away and straight into a stand of clothing since I was crying so much. Frustrating. Later on, I mentioned to my mom that it seems like I'm the person that gets into the most arguments with my dad, and she speculates that it is because we have similar personalities. Apparently, we have similar responses to most situations, for example, when being yelled at or criticized, we tend to lash out and start arguing. Cindy usually cries when she is going through the same situations, and my dad relents when this occurs, but with me, we're both shouting so much that we're both so pissed we keep arguing even if I am crying. Oh well. At least I also have the I-can't-stop-talking gene and I-like-people trait he has.
Anyway, since there are such magics like Walmart which carries everything you will ever need in life, I purchased some superglue and nail polish. My glasses are now semi-fixed and in alright condition, so they should last me until about winter break, during which my father will purchase me a few new pairs. Goodness, nobody in my family trusted me with anything because they all think I lose/break everything I own and this doesn't help the situation or their opinions. They're probably right too. Ughh, glumglumglum.
It didn't really help that my dad thought I was completely lying and kept asking me how it happened and ugghh. We ended up having a big argument over NOTHING at a store. It ended with me walking away and straight into a stand of clothing since I was crying so much. Frustrating. Later on, I mentioned to my mom that it seems like I'm the person that gets into the most arguments with my dad, and she speculates that it is because we have similar personalities. Apparently, we have similar responses to most situations, for example, when being yelled at or criticized, we tend to lash out and start arguing. Cindy usually cries when she is going through the same situations, and my dad relents when this occurs, but with me, we're both shouting so much that we're both so pissed we keep arguing even if I am crying. Oh well. At least I also have the I-can't-stop-talking gene and I-like-people trait he has.
Anyway, since there are such magics like Walmart which carries everything you will ever need in life, I purchased some superglue and nail polish. My glasses are now semi-fixed and in alright condition, so they should last me until about winter break, during which my father will purchase me a few new pairs. Goodness, nobody in my family trusted me with anything because they all think I lose/break everything I own and this doesn't help the situation or their opinions. They're probably right too. Ughh, glumglumglum.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Never Enough
I'm starting to get aggravated with myself all over again because I never feel quite content with what I have. Of course, I always have my wonderful moments where I find myself feeling that I never want anything in my life to ever be different, but a lot of the time, I spend it wishing I could find more. By more, I'm not even sure what I mean, but I am constantly displeased by what I have and what I can see before me. I'm not content with my friends for some inexplicable reason, despite them being so wonderful and fun and happy and understanding, and I am always searching for more friends and I want to know more people and everything is more, more, more. I suppose a better phrasing would be for me to say that I am not happy with how many friends I have or how many people I like instead of sounding like I am unhappy with the quality of my friends. I guess this makes me a very greedy person, but I just can't function without this horrid drive pushing me along my life. I expect a lot more out of myself, and this always results in a great deal of stress and disappointment. I wish I could find a way to let go of all this wantwantwant and relax and be much happier. And there I go again, already wanting and wishing for more.
I hate myself a lot more often lately. I wonder if other people are ever like this.
I hate myself a lot more often lately. I wonder if other people are ever like this.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Liking
I always dislike liking someone simply because I feel like I spend too much of my time fretting over him and wondering if he could possibly like me, but in the end, I think I get along with life and everything much better when I have someone on my mind. Things feel a bit brighter and more awake when I have someone to look forward to seeing, I suppose. I already have all these great goals I'd love to eventually accomplish, and it kind of propels me even more forward when I hope to impress someone with what I can do. I feel a little bad about this a lot of the time since I have all these great, great people and aspects of my life but in my head, he's probably the most important thing, hence my strong disliking for my infatuations. I wish I didn't need to like someone to be lively, and I've tried to not like someone and to work on whatever I have to do, but I just can't get any motivation. I end up sludging around my house looking like a dead person. I also end up being not much of a good friend or a conversationalist, so I'm a huge draaag. Boring, boring, pathetic, but there's no other way around it and I guess I'll just go with whatever makes me happiest and go around smiling with a special someone in my head.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Blog?
I believe I've had about six blogs before, updated them two or three times, forgot about it, and came back to it three months later. Then, when I rediscovered it, I would decide I sounded like a complete idiot//moron, and made a new one to remind myself that I had indeed grown and improved and therefore needed a new blog to show the entire intrawebs that I am not such an idiot again.
I highly doubt that this will be in use for very long, but I am hoping it will be.
The word blog makes me thing of slugs. I don't know if this is a negative connotation or not [or if I even used the word correctly; fail] but I have interesting memories of slugs. Once my mom put salt on an enormous slug and my sister, who was about three or four at the time, told me that the slug turned into snot covered in salt. Another time, I was rolling around in the grass, pretending the little slope was a slide of sorts, and a slug got into my hair. I believe I screamed and nearly puked. So I guess blogs make me think of slugs, salt, snot, slides, and vomit? That's sad; I broke the s pattern.
It's way too late at night to be writing sensible things.
I highly doubt that this will be in use for very long, but I am hoping it will be.
The word blog makes me thing of slugs. I don't know if this is a negative connotation or not [or if I even used the word correctly; fail] but I have interesting memories of slugs. Once my mom put salt on an enormous slug and my sister, who was about three or four at the time, told me that the slug turned into snot covered in salt. Another time, I was rolling around in the grass, pretending the little slope was a slide of sorts, and a slug got into my hair. I believe I screamed and nearly puked. So I guess blogs make me think of slugs, salt, snot, slides, and vomit? That's sad; I broke the s pattern.
It's way too late at night to be writing sensible things.
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