I'm starting to get aggravated with myself all over again because I never feel quite content with what I have. Of course, I always have my wonderful moments where I find myself feeling that I never want anything in my life to ever be different, but a lot of the time, I spend it wishing I could find more. By more, I'm not even sure what I mean, but I am constantly displeased by what I have and what I can see before me. I'm not content with my friends for some inexplicable reason, despite them being so wonderful and fun and happy and understanding, and I am always searching for more friends and I want to know more people and everything is more, more, more. I suppose a better phrasing would be for me to say that I am not happy with how many friends I have or how many people I like instead of sounding like I am unhappy with the quality of my friends. I guess this makes me a very greedy person, but I just can't function without this horrid drive pushing me along my life. I expect a lot more out of myself, and this always results in a great deal of stress and disappointment. I wish I could find a way to let go of all this wantwantwant and relax and be much happier. And there I go again, already wanting and wishing for more.
I hate myself a lot more often lately. I wonder if other people are ever like this.
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