Liking

I always dislike liking someone simply because I feel like I spend too much of my time fretting over him and wondering if he could possibly like me, but in the end, I think I get along with life and everything much better when I have someone on my mind. Things feel a bit brighter and more awake when I have someone to look forward to seeing, I suppose. I already have all these great goals I'd love to eventually accomplish, and it kind of propels me even more forward when I hope to impress someone with what I can do. I feel a little bad about this a lot of the time since I have all these great, great people and aspects of my life but in my head, he's probably the most important thing, hence my strong disliking for my infatuations. I wish I didn't need to like someone to be lively, and I've tried to not like someone and to work on whatever I have to do, but I just can't get any motivation. I end up sludging around my house looking like a dead person. I also end up being not much of a good friend or a conversationalist, so I'm a huge draaag. Boring, boring, pathetic, but there's no other way around it and I guess I'll just go with whatever makes me happiest and go around smiling with a special someone in my head.