It's been one year. I can't even understand why this still means so much to me. He wasn't anyone that special and he definitely wasn't someone I liked so much I thought I was going to burst. I suppose it's just that we both had a little something for each other. It was just a one-month thing, a tiny blip in both of our lives, but it was the first time I heard a boy say I-love-you to me.
I texted him today. It wasn't anything creepy, it was just a hello. One word. For the first time in over half a year, he answered. My phone buzzed and I saw his name and my heart just started pounding the way it always used to whenever he texted me. It makes me feel oddly blank thinking about this, but for a moment, I just sat here and stared at the unopened message, hoping for some sort of friendly message and a sort of I-missed-you and keeping let's-still-be-friends promise he made.
"Who are you?"
I don't mean anything to him. I don't, I don't, I don't, and I don't know why I can't shake him out of my mind. It's ridiculous. Just STUPID. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I still care; I feel like a stalker. It's really rather degrading. I feel like some dirty thing that keeps following him and he just keeps trying to throw me away and get away, but ugghhhhh...
I just wish I could let go.
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