I have always had my little bouts of envy, but I haven't had the sort that burns angrily in the pit of my stomach in a while. I get jealous of trivial things that I feel that I should have been able to get, and that last portion makes me so aggravated. The fine line between should and could always gets me and drives me insane all the time, but it really has been quite some time since I last got this jealous. Ohh, I hate comparing myself with others, but I do so so frequently that it has become second nature. NEGATIVITY!
The situation that has been bothering me recently involves a Chinese girl befriending a Chinese friend of mine, which is great for the both of them, but I do dislike that she seems completely uninterested in becoming friends with me, or at the very least, fangirling buddies. It gives me the impression that I must be highly boring/obnoxious/uninteresting, so perhaps I need to work on my personality again. As mentioned in the previous post, I've gone back to being boring all over again, so this may be a sign that I need to start changing that.
I hate that I can't do everything I want to do. For example, I cannot both do satisfactorily in school AND maintain all the friendships I wish to obtain and keep. Nor can I manage to find time to improve my Chinese and learn more Spanish and read more classics. I suppose I'll just learn how to improve my managements time and my jealousy/boringness in the meantime.
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