Celebrations and Sleep

Today was my friend Keana's birthday, and I must say, we had a very excellent time. It took place at a lovely park with a fountain [that Avery jumped into and ruined his phone in] by which Keana took a few pictures of a couple getting their wedding pictures taken. There were also three blonde girls dressed very similarly who were given ridiculous names by our group of people [or perhaps their parents really are that odd]. We also had a good time playing Mafia. Overall, it was very good fun and it was basically because we had a c'lection of wonderful people there. I would like to recount all of the details of the event, but my mind is very fuzzy from the multiple naps I've had all day.

I really need to develop a better sleeping schedule since I've been crashing horribly since Friday night after the argument episode at Walmart. During this last school week, I made the mistake of getting about four through six hours of sleep nightly, and it's affecting me even more than usual. I slept approximately fourteen hours last night, woke up with a massive headache this morning around 9:30, came home around four or five and went back to sleep for another four hours. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have marching competitions or speech competitions later on in the year. As much as I love being back in school and not schlumping around the house feeling highly unmotivated, I keep wishing we had at least four more hours in each day. Or that I had a Time Turner. That would also be lovely.

Glasses and Similarities

I broke my glasses on Friday. I believe the phrase "I broke" is very incorrect actually. Truthfully, the lens for my right eye just POPPED out during Drivers Ed, and nobody believes me. The more I think about it, the more I don't believe it either. How ridiculous is this? I was unbelievably pissed.

It didn't really help that my dad thought I was completely lying and kept asking me how it happened and ugghh. We ended up having a big argument over NOTHING at a store. It ended with me walking away and straight into a stand of clothing since I was crying so much. Frustrating. Later on, I mentioned to my mom that it seems like I'm the person that gets into the most arguments with my dad, and she speculates that it is because we have similar personalities. Apparently, we have similar responses to most situations, for example, when being yelled at or criticized, we tend to lash out and start arguing. Cindy usually cries when she is going through the same situations, and my dad relents when this occurs, but with me, we're both shouting so much that we're both so pissed we keep arguing even if I am crying. Oh well. At least I also have the I-can't-stop-talking gene and I-like-people trait he has.

Anyway, since there are such magics like Walmart which carries everything you will ever need in life, I purchased some superglue and nail polish. My glasses are now semi-fixed and in alright condition, so they should last me until about winter break, during which my father will purchase me a few new pairs. Goodness, nobody in my family trusted me with anything because they all think I lose/break everything I own and this doesn't help the situation or their opinions. They're probably right too. Ughh, glumglumglum.

Never Enough

I'm starting to get aggravated with myself all over again because I never feel quite content with what I have. Of course, I always have my wonderful moments where I find myself feeling that I never want anything in my life to ever be different, but a lot of the time, I spend it wishing I could find more. By more, I'm not even sure what I mean, but I am constantly displeased by what I have and what I can see before me. I'm not content with my friends for some inexplicable reason, despite them being so wonderful and fun and happy and understanding, and I am always searching for more friends and I want to know more people and everything is more, more, more. I suppose a better phrasing would be for me to say that I am not happy with how many friends I have or how many people I like instead of sounding like I am unhappy with the quality of my friends. I guess this makes me a very greedy person, but I just can't function without this horrid drive pushing me along my life. I expect a lot more out of myself, and this always results in a great deal of stress and disappointment. I wish I could find a way to let go of all this wantwantwant and relax and be much happier. And there I go again, already wanting and wishing for more.
I hate myself a lot more often lately. I wonder if other people are ever like this.

Liking

I always dislike liking someone simply because I feel like I spend too much of my time fretting over him and wondering if he could possibly like me, but in the end, I think I get along with life and everything much better when I have someone on my mind. Things feel a bit brighter and more awake when I have someone to look forward to seeing, I suppose. I already have all these great goals I'd love to eventually accomplish, and it kind of propels me even more forward when I hope to impress someone with what I can do. I feel a little bad about this a lot of the time since I have all these great, great people and aspects of my life but in my head, he's probably the most important thing, hence my strong disliking for my infatuations. I wish I didn't need to like someone to be lively, and I've tried to not like someone and to work on whatever I have to do, but I just can't get any motivation. I end up sludging around my house looking like a dead person. I also end up being not much of a good friend or a conversationalist, so I'm a huge draaag. Boring, boring, pathetic, but there's no other way around it and I guess I'll just go with whatever makes me happiest and go around smiling with a special someone in my head.